Archive for the ‘goodncrazy thoughts’ Category

Should I Be Concerned?

February 5, 2010

Today in my regular mail:


First: The National Bone Marrow Donor Program found me again. I have no idea how. Not that I’ve been hiding. But they are amazing. I registered to become a bone marrow back when I was 19. And I never think to tell them but every time I move… they find me.

Second: A mailer from my local hospital with this on the back:


Well gee I thought I did, but when it’s in all caps like that; I feel like checking my scales just to be sure I REALLY understand.

Third: A medical bill from a recent Dr. Visit.
That’s it.
Anyone else think it’s kind of ominous?
Some kind of bad Karma?
The menacing medical mail is out to mangle me?
goodncrazy blue dots
Photo from Stsock.xchng (doctored up a bit by me)

What Is Motherhood To You?

October 23, 2009

motherhood baby flowers

The movie Motherhood comes out tonight.
I sat in on a panel for the #motherhood twitter chat last night.

And I loved hearing everyone’s take on the joys and the guilts and the loves of being a mother.

I think everyone mentioned at least once basically this thought:

I feel guilty for not being theBestFreakingMostAwesome mother in the world.

Seriously. We have guilt over perfectionism? I kept asking the moms…

  • Do your kids love you?
  • Do you love your kids?
  • Do they KNOW you love them?
Game over. Lose the guilt. We’ve got enough with all the multitasking, phone-calling, car-pooling, butt-wiping… don’t ya think?

Now go tickle your kids and listen to Catherine Connors:

goodncrazy blue dots

herbadmother Ah, I love my kids to pieces, and they know it.

herbadmother No matter my insecurities about my motherhood I know my kids are HAPPY, that they laugh every day, even when times are tense.

Church Chat: Some Spiritual Thoughts

August 22, 2009

I had to give a lesson in Relief Society.

(The Women’s Group in my church: read here for more.)

I wasn’t given a lesson manual or anything, the instruction was.. pray and think about what you feel the women in your congregation are in need of hearing.. ? Oh great…?

Turns out I had just picked up a book by Sheri Dew titled:

God Wants a Powerful People

I was intrigued with the title when I saw it. The word Powerful especially. People strong enough to withstand the trials and troubles of this life. People able to make it through tragedies and worse. It made me think about powerful people I know, whose lives are filled with difficulties and how amazed I am at them.

The Author tells a story about how she was given a pass card to enter church buildings after the security had been increased. But she had not needed it very often since she was recognized around the grounds by security. There was an early meeting she was attending and found that the security guards were not there and a door was locked. She rang a buzzer and the person who answered said, “Sister Dew do you have your security card with you?” When she answered yes, he told her that the card would get her into all the doors.

Here’s what she had to say:

The irony was unmistakable. For months I had carried with me a badge that had given me privileges I hadn’t understood or, worse, taken advantage of. I had not understood that badge’s power.

Isn’t that true of most of us? We have a power within us that is unmistakably given from on high. If you draw on that power you pretty much cannot fail.

Further in the same chapter of the book Ms. Dew points out 4 ways we can live up to this power given:

  1. God wants a powerful people. (Seems clear to me, if God wants it, it’s gonna happen eh?)
  2. He gives His power to those who are faithful and who qualify. (I’m guessing she means if you live a cruel and mean life, even though God wants to bless you He cannot. It’s that simple.)
  3. We therefore have a sacred obligation to seek after the power of God and then to use that power as He directs. (Again it’s simple: ask and it shall be given. Gives me the feeling that God is ready and waiting to offer assistance, waiting for me to just ask.)
  4. When we have the power of God with us, nothing is impossible. (There’s a popular phrase: Nothing is impossible for two people as long as one of them is the Lord.)

I’m not trying to ram my religion down your throat. I promise. But if you are willing to think a little deeper about your own religion or maybe your own spirituality? Then I’m happy.

Here’s a scripture she quotes:

And we ask thee, Holy Father, that thy servants may go forth from this house armed with thy power, and that thy name may be upon them, and thy glory be round about them, and thine angels have charge over them.

I like that. ‘…thine angels have charge over them.’ Sorta like a mother’s prayer over her children when they leave each day, huh?

Here’s my take away lesson from thinking about all this.
I have set a goal to invite the spirit into my life each morning. To look around and find the small and simple ways that the Lord is trying to ‘talk’ to me. And to genuinely listen. Sort of like saying a simple prayer each morning:

Dear God, please help me to hear when the spirit whispers, and then to act on it!

As a side note… a week ago, we were about to pass thru an intersection where the light was green. When out of NOwhere a cop car with lights on but NO siren came flying from the side direction running the red light! I totally did not see it coming. I was able to screech to a stop and felt like I barely missed a complete T-bone nightmare? Who knows? Was I protected? I dunno. But the kids were just as upset by it as I was, and we all agreed… it was a really close call.

I think I’ll stick to my simple daily prayer.

On Being a Mom

May 11, 2009

Please pardon me. I’m stealing from a forum I just wrote in. Over at MOMeo But they ARE my words so it’s not really stealing is it? Oh forget it…

The discussion topic is this:

Does Mom Have to Do it All to Have it All?

{my response}

You can try to do it all, but what comes around goes around eh? I see a lot of ‘SAHMs’ doing a lot of dang near ‘real’ work, from putting in part time hours with former employers, to acting PTA presidents, to basically full time daycare in their home..(playdates?yeahright) and all most of this goes completely unpaid. Falls under the role of volunteer, service and mom right?

But there is a breaking point… the hubby’s not happy, the kids ain’t happy and pretty soon even the mom’s not too happy and has to take a little stock in life.

What the heck does having it all really mean anymore? In America so much of us believe more is better. But is it?

I think one of my favorite books is “Your Money Or Your Life“. And there are a lot of great lessons in it, but the one I love the most is —throwing out the window the part of your thinking where you actually believe having more is MORE. Cuz…When you get that MORE… then what? You’ll just want more— right?

So no.
Mommy does NOT have to do it all to have it all. She has to decide what ALL means in the first place…!

How about you? At what point do you snap, just a little bit? Do you have it all? Do you even have it all figured out?

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When I Want to Unwind

March 31, 2009
This is what a night all to myself looks like!

moms Nite IN!

Sometimes it involves Ben&Jerry’s… Chunky Monkey to be specific.
But on this night…

Just me. The tea. And the ‘biscuits’.
(Note the flavor of the tea is ‘Herbal Unwind’—how perfect.)

Oh the book I quietly read with no interruptions? I’ll share that another time.

Hubby was on a ‘winter camp-out’. Let’s just say he’s not exactly thrilled to be back in scouting after a 20+year hiatus. Something about 160 decibel snoring I think??

How do you spend a Mom’s Night IN?

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My 9/11 Story.

June 9, 2008

I’ve been thinking a lot about how to go about this post.
It’s hard. And it’s long, and I don’t apologize.

I’m sure everyone has heard every view inside and out about September 11th. Should I add my housewife’s version to all the rest? It’s hard to wrap my head around my own experience. Let alone share it. (My husband was truly the one who was there). I was safe all tucked up in my sweet little New Jersey-ian suburb. But I was freaked out and seriously scared all the same.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, we only had one cell phone. It seemed decadent having it at all, much less considering having two! He commuted into the city via NJTransit everyday and it was ideal for him to make work calls while on the train. And to call me on his way home letting me know he was on his way, or when there was a delay and the ETA.

Every once in a while, I needed the phone for some mom thing, and he would leave it with me for the day. No big deal right?

I needed the phone on that particular Tuesday, because that night it would be my turn to drive around to several neighborhoods picking up young girls for a church activity. I had to take my kids with me, and it was hard to find a place to park, and then get the kids out and knock on (usually apartment) doors. Having the cell phone, was fabulous for just such an errand.

Let’s rewind to the morning of Tuesday, September 11th.

We don’t usually watch TV in the AM, and my husband apparently did not listen to the radio that morning driving to the train station. He generously left the cell phone behind (at my request) and left around 9:15AM, to catch a 9:30AM train.

I grabbed my grocery list and left soon after to take my then nearly 4 year old to pre-school. Again NOT listening to the radio. I dropped off my kid and another mommy grabbed me and asked: had I heard about the plane? The what, I replied? She said, it’s on the radio, some sort of small plane has crashed into a building in Manhattan. A plane? That’s crazy! I checked the radio. And sure enough, that’s exactly what they were reporting. A small plane has crashed into a building in the city, no more details than that? I didn’t know what to think, and not that I didn’t believe it, it sounded tragic, but I still needed groceries, right?

Fairly nonchalantly I meandered over to the grocery store. (It seems so crass in hind-sight, I know). By the time I got to the store, the reports on the radio were growing quite a bit more intense, and there were clear updates that for sure the small plane had in fact hit one of the twin towers. Okay, now THIS got my attention. My husband did not work in the World Trade Center, he worked way up in Midtown, practically right on Broadway. But his train, the one he was literally on at that moment, traveled directly UNDER the towers!! I sat in my car for a long time listening to the radio. My younger kid was getting agitated sitting in her car seat.

I finally got out and attempted to do the shopping. Remember now, I AM THE ONE WITH THE CELL PHONE!!! I have tried several times to call his work, to leave a message. But the lines are jammed, you know that awful fast busy signal? And I’m not the only one. There are all these other zombie mommies walking around the store with a toddler in the seat and no groceries in the cart, talking or attempting to talk on their cell phones. We kept looking at each other with these questioning stares, wondering…

I gave up, and bought the few things that miraculously landed in my cart, I certainly didn’t remember putting them there. My drive home takes me up over a little hill before dropping back down into the valley that is my town. And while on the top-most part of the hill, in the not too far off distance, I can see the Manhattan skyline. And there is a thin trail of smoke at the southern end of the island, right about where you can clearly see the two towers. Only the smoke is too thick to make them out.

This completely does me in. I loose it, right there in the car. I’m all tears and mushy, and still don’t have any real information. My baby is blissfully oblivious, but confused at crazy mama. The radio by now has gotten some better information and they are letting us in on the gruesome realization that it was NO small plane, it was a huge and very packed jetliner, with a full tank of jetfuel! Remember I still haven’t seen any television footage, most Americans at this point know more than I do. They are describing how people are being evacuated. Evacuated? From a hundred and ten foot building? How is that going to work out??

I make it home and my home phone rings. Praise be, I think, he’s calling me finally! But no. It was a close friend, calling to see how much I knew and whether my husband had checked in. I caught her up on what I knew, which was nothing. And she let me know that she too couldn’t contact her husband who had taken a much earlier train. She sounded much more upset than I was, and I agreed to drive over to her place for a while.

This is where I first watch actual television footage, now I am totally and completely horrified. AND the news about the second plane, and the one in Pennsylvania and the one at the Pentagon start filtering in. Should we pack up the kids and start driving West? North? Where? Without our husbands!? I still can’t get hold of my husband and my friend was more under control. I decide to go pick up my preschooler early, because it is truly freaking me out not having my whole family right with me– right that second.

Soon after we get home again the phone rings. I remember this being around 11AM, but the details are way fuzzy for me, it’s all smushed together. The person on the other end of the line is someone I don’t know. She is apologizing that it’s strange for her to be calling, but that she is calling on behalf of my husband (Thank God). She is the secretary of a friend of my husband’s who is an attorney at a totally different law firm than my husband’s. I don’t care who she is, she’s my new saving angel and I love her. Her message was that he was not able to get into his building at all, as they were evacuating it. But he was fine, and working on getting home. That’s all the news I get. I don’t hear directly from my husband for 3 or 4 more hours.

The activity for the young women, was of course canceled. I never needed that horrible phone at all. And it would have made such a difference for him.

He caught a train from Penn Station to Newark around 7PM that night. He was stranded in NYC, (never did get into his building), for no less than 9 hours.

I leave him to tell his side of the story. (I’ll post it, if he’s willing…)

For several weeks after that day. People were…different…nice. You’d wave to people you didn’t know (a rarity there), you’d ask strangers directly if they had lost anyone. There was no honking on the streets (truly odd). I remember the first time someone honked at me in annoyance, about 3 weeks after 9/11, and I was totally upset. Didn’t they know? The rules? The new rules? We are genuinely concerned for everyone, we don’t honk, because it’s possible that person you just honked at, might have lost their husband to a terrorist attack in our own back yard.

Please pardon my multiple tenses in the post. It’s still all sort of real and current for me, and I’m having a hard time placing this story wholly in the past?